January 3rd, 2013
I haven’t written in this blog for a very long time! Miss me yet? ;)
On December 13th, Noah and I had our 1st year anniversary. I remember the beginning of your relationship like it was a month ago. Laughs, cries, ups and downs. We still got through it all and I hope we have many more moments to share with each other.
I’ve never realized how much Noah loved and trusted me until this day. I know he doesn’t give me as much attention as I deserve, but when we talked about things we couldn’t tell each other. I understood who he really is. Sure, I fell for the person who I thought he was. Knowing who he truly is makes me love him more, but it makes me feel like I need to start all over again. It’s better than falling for the guy that you thought he was.
My mom is almost due! I can’t wait to see my baby brother, Gibson Kyler. I don’t know if I’m ready to take care of him and have more responsibilities because I’m not used to having a sibling. Am I ready? Hopefully.
Well, I must read the rest of the Fifty Shades trilogy! See you soon!
November 4, 2012
Hello and hi there! c:
It’s been a while since I posted on this blog. I made a post on my ipod in September but the stupid app wouldn’t let me post it at all -.- I’ll try to post it sometime soon.
Do you know how happy I am? It’s almost 11 months with my boyfriend, Noah! I still remember how it all started. From him teasing me because I didn’t have MW3 to tinychatting with him every night. Out of all people, I didn’t expect to be with him, really. He makes me feel so… happy. Even if we go through our ups and downs, he knows how to make me smile before I go to sleep. He knows how I feel about situations and he knows how to help me deal with my problems. I can say that he may be the “prince charming” of my life. LOL corny shit. But hey, I’m still young and there’s many things ahead of me. He’s just that one person who is a part of my life.
I can honestly say that I think I’m getting better, y’know? Being more social, getting along with others. Much happier.
Lol, I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I went to Vaughan Mills. >.<
August 23rd, 2012
Why am I feeling like COMPLETE shit? I don’t get why I care so much about friendships. All they do is just come and go, only coming to you if they need something. Why do I do things for people? It’s because I’m nice. I don’t want to signal the wrong message if I don’t do anything for them. If you actually take me for granted, why the fuck should I still be here for you? GOSH, I’m a jealous fuck. I NEED people to talk to me. I’m so fucking tired of being the only one left hanging. I hate hearing people make plans without inviting me. What’s the point of being there if no one actually wants you there? I’m so sick and fucking tired of things like this. It’s so constant that I want to end it all. Why can’t things go smoothly without any complications? Heh, I’m a troubled kid. The amount of problems and my anti-social life really screws up in my mind, the things I do and the people around me. I don’t know what to do in this world. Needing constant help. Maybe a counselor? Maybe a true friend.
August 19th, 2012
Well, I had a rough night. Talking on the phone in tears with Noah really made my mood go MERP. I can’t believe how much we’ve changed in only a week. I haven’t seen him since June and our relationship is starting to feel like a long distance thing. Plus, Noah’s going to move and may have to transfer schools. I’m scared.
There’s other things on my mind that won’t seem to erase. I want to know how he feels. I mean, I wonder what went through his mind while I talked to him through the whole night last night. Maybe I’m setting this off a bit too far. I shouldn’t do anything to make him gain feelings for me, again. He’s that special someone who I don’t ever want to hurt. Ever. But, he gave me advice for Noah and I and it was kind of awkward for me. Possibly because we’ve dated and my tad feelings for him (which I’m trying to get rid of.) Maybe, I still like him. I don’t know. I’m fooling myself big time. I feel so fucking bad that it makes me feel I’m leading Noah on. I realized that this whole time, I had feelings for this special someone. Why the fuck did I say that I didn’t love him when I really did? Fuck Lauren, you are so damn stupid. Look at what you’ve lost and will never get back. Think about the amount of people you have hurt.
P.S: Follow your heart.
August 18, 2012
Here I go again, reminiscing all of the memories held back from a long time ago. I wonder how long this will take me to realize that I need to let go. Trying so hard to get rid of it all, but today just made it even worse. Why on earth did I message you ‘hello’? I don’t get it. Why do you have such a great affect on me? What did I do to deserve all of this? I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I need to start looking at the present and the future. I shouldn’t drown myself in my past knowing that things won’t be the same anymore.
August 8th, 2012
Why am I the biggest fuck up in the world? I don’t get why I can’t maintain a steady friendship with one of my closest friends. All of the shit I did made me go ghost on my own bestfriend. Now look. He’s fucking gone. He isn’t my bestfriend anymore. I don’t deserve him. Why? I’m the worst friend you can ever have possible. I don’t realize that I don’t talk to you as much, or maybe even I treat you like an acquaintance rather from a ‘close’ or ‘best’ friend. I’m such a mess. I fucking lost him. He isn’t my best friend. I need to get that shit through my head. I don’t know if I would want to take the billionth chance he gave me to try to fix the remains of our friendship. But, I don’t want to fuck up again. I’m scared that he won’t be there anymore. I re-read his birthday message that he sent me and it made me fucking cry so hard. I’m sniffling while writing this… But, I just realized I’ve lost an important person in my life and it would take me a lot of time to gain everything back. I really need to stop being an anti-social person AND get my fucking phone fixed. The one important thing I need to do is… get my best friend back.
July 15th, 2012.
Hooray! My 7th month with Noah was on Friday. :) I feel happy because we’ve made it this far. I can’t wait until we reach one year. :$
Well, later today I’m going to get an x-ray done for my teeth to see what I need done for my braces. Ugh, I hope having my braces will nottake that long before graduation.
Anyways, I’m contemplating about making an online story about two people who don’t know each other, then they end up becoming a couple. They would face many obstacles in order to show how much they love one another and to keep their relationship alive. What do you think? Haha, I don’t know if I’ll have the actual energy and dedication to it, but it’s one of the things I’ve always wanted to do. Plus, I have no plans this summer. :D
I’m kind of getting tired, but I’ll play some COD to make myself VERY tired so I’ll sleep like a baby tonight. :)