July 5th, 2012
My feelings are at the point where I can’t cope with them anymore. I don’t like feeling this way, especially when there’s a bunch of thoughts in my mind. For example, there’s this one person that just won’t get away. I’m trying so fucking hard to let go, but there’s something about that person that won’t get out of my mind. Also, my own best friend.. I feel like I’ve lost him. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, but it hurts me so much because I truly cared about him and I took him as my brother. I don’t want to lose him either. I trusted him with everything possible. Even though we barely talk, I knew he was still there. I just didn’t know if he knew that I was there for him. Fuckery. This is hurting me so much, even on my own birthday. I can’t take it anymore.
July 5th, 2012
Today’s my birthday, wooooo!
June 26th, 2012
Why am I starting to care again? This is making no sense to me. Why is it so hard to let go? There’s something about you I just can’t erase from my mind. Please, do me a favor and leave me alone. It’s for the best of us.
xoxo,
Lauren
June 23rd, 2012
Summer is finally here. No more school, stress and teachers on your back. Plus, my birthday is in a few days.
There’s one thing that I’m afraid of… losing Noah. Sure, we have a great connection between each other. But, it’s slowly dying. We barely talk nowadays, and when we do talk… it’s just simple hello’s and bye’s. I’m nowhere near letting go of him. My feelings for him are so great that it’s going to hurt me the most out of all my relationships. He reminds me everyday that he loves me and he’s not going to leave me.
For some reason, I have a very small presence that he’s busy talking to someone else. I should not even think that way, but I’m very insecure. There’s always late replies between us both. I don’t want anything to change between me and Noah. I’m not losing him to someone else.
I hope he realizes how I feel without telling him.I’m getting tired of telling him what my feelings are towards him because I want him to know what’s going through my mind. I’m highly afraid that he’ll just let go because of my high expectations. But, he should have realized this first before we started to go out.
I’m just thankful to have him today. Luckily, Noah’s all mine and no one else. I just want to make sure that no waste girl is trying to take him away from me. ALL MINE.
Well, on the plus side.. it’s a coincidence that me and Babe are going to New York this week. :’) Haha, I’d be totally amazed if I see him.
xoxo,
Lauren
P.S: I’ll try to write some more later.
June 11th, 2012.
Hello. c;
I’m proud to say that I’m going to be a half-sister! :’) Haha, it was hard for me to accept at first, but I’m really happy that I won’t feel alone anymore. :3
My 6th month with Noah is coming up on Wednesday! I’m so excited, but he’s leaving early to go get his vaccination.. bummer.
This is just a quick entry because I’m going to catch up on my sleep since I have two late starts due to EQAO testing. :) Exams are next week.. Am I ready? LETS GO.
Oh, nts: Make up mind if taking summer school.
xoxo,
Lauren
P.S: Birthday is coming up soon!
P.P.S: I can’t wait to go to the States to see my cousins at the end of this month. :3
May 28th, 2012
Noah makes me happy. I can’t find anyone like him. I love him dearly and no one can take him away from me. He’s all mine. Lol, I just felt the need to make a post like this. Haha.
xoxo,
Lauren
May 27th, 2012
I don’t know where to start. My heart’s starting to hurt because of all of the sad emotions I’m making it deal with. I never thought this would hurt me badly. I’m trying my best not to cry over some stupid little thing. I don’t want to drift away from you, I hope you don’t let go of me either. I’d be devastated and I wouldn’t know how to cope with it. I make it sound like I’m highly in love with you, but I just have strong feelings for you that I know will take some time to get rid of if ever the time comes where things don’t go the right way.
I just want you to know that I love you. I’m trying my best not to complain about every little thing, pointing out your flaws, making you give everything I want and make things go my way. I’m sorry that I’m not the perfect girlfriend as you may think I am, but I just want you to know that I’m afraid to lose you and I don’t want someone to replace me. I know I can be insecure and a jealous fuck. It’s kind of like saying how much I care about you.
I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of feeling all insecure. I’m tired of being stupid. I’m tired of being weird as fuck. I’m tired of being the outcast. I’m tired of being the girl that you would not want to date. I’m tired of being so clueless. I’m tired of being that ‘typical’ girl. I’m tired of being jealous. I’m tired of rumors. I’m tired of back-stabbing. I’m tired of those nights where I’m about to cry myself to sleep. I’m tired of those times where I zone out and you get all worried. I’m tired of people looking at me strange. I’m tired of all the hate I get. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of high school life. I just want some things to end.
All I want to feel is being loved. I don’t care who it is, I just want to know that someone out there cares about me for who I am. Thank you for everyone who actually care. Sometimes, there’s people who are two-faced and ‘pretend’ to be your friend just so they can gain something. I don’t give two shits anymore. I’m just so fucking tired.
Thank you for my loving boyfriend that loves me for who I am and loves me dearly. Sure, we may go through little bumps in the road, but he’s the one that always gets me smiling no matter what. I love him incredibly, and I don’t think anyone can replace him. He understands me -most of the time- whenever I talk about my feelings and my problems. He knows what mood I’m in. He knows how to comfort me when I’m having a rough day. I’m thankful for having him in my life.
Thank you for my four good friends. With some of them, we don’t talk as often as we used to, but I know that we are there for each other even if we drifted apart. I can never find anyone like them anymore. Everyone is so two-faced that I just want to slash their faces. I just can’t imagine what my life would be like without them.
There’s times where I just want to scream just because of all the emotions I’m taking inside. A part of me wants to start life all over again, but keep the good memories and people in my life.
Promise me you’ll never leave.
xoxo,
Lauren
May 22nd, 2012
” I love you, but I hate you at the same time. “
Has it ever occurred before? You had the audacity to tell me that you hate me when you love me? I never want to hear those words ever again. It made me think that I was not the ideal person you would want to be with. Hate makes me think that you don’t love me anymore, or you just want to leave. I lead to many conclusions, but that’s just me. I can’t help myself because of the high factor of how much I care about you.
Thank God that I have you and you are already mine. I don’t ever want to change that or lose you to someone else. I hope we last a very long time like we always say we would.