Dear Diary,

Lol, goodmorning! :)

keepcalmandlovelauren — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 10:44:10 -0400

Lol, goodmorning! :)

Skyping with Babe is the worst at 3am -.-

keepcalmandlovelauren — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 03:29:23 -0400

Skyping with Babe is the worst at 3am -.-

January 3rd, 2013

keepcalmandlovelauren — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 22:11:00 -0500

I haven’t written in this blog for a very long time! Miss me yet? ;)

On December 13th, Noah and I had our 1st year anniversary. I remember the beginning of your relationship like it was a month ago. Laughs, cries, ups and downs. We still got through it all and I hope we have many more moments to share with each other.

I’ve never realized how much Noah loved and trusted me until this day. I know he doesn’t give me as much attention as I deserve, but when we talked about things we couldn’t tell each other. I understood who he really is. Sure, I fell for the person who I thought he was. Knowing who he truly is makes me love him more, but it makes me feel like I need to start all over again. It’s better than falling for the guy that you thought he was.

My mom is almost due! I can’t wait to see my baby brother, Gibson Kyler. I don’t know if I’m ready to take care of him and have more responsibilities because I’m not used to having a sibling. Am I ready? Hopefully.

Well, I must read the rest of the Fifty Shades trilogy! See you soon!

xoxo,

Lauren

November 4, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 12:38:13 -0500

Hello and hi there! c:

It’s been a while since I posted on this blog. I made a post on my ipod in September but the stupid app wouldn’t let me post it at all -.- I’ll try to post it sometime soon.

Do you know how happy I am? It’s almost 11 months with my boyfriend, Noah! I still remember how it all started. From him teasing me because I didn’t have MW3 to tinychatting with him every night. Out of all people, I didn’t expect to be with him, really. He makes me feel so… happy. Even if we go through our ups and downs, he knows how to make me smile before I go to sleep. He knows how I feel about situations and he knows how to help me deal with my problems. I can say that he may be the “prince charming” of my life. LOL corny shit. But hey, I’m still young and there’s many things ahead of me. He’s just that one person who is a part of my life.

I can honestly say that I think I’m getting better, y’know? Being more social, getting along with others. Much happier.

Lol, I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I went to Vaughan Mills. >.<

xoxo,

Lauren

August 23rd, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 00:29:00 -0400

Hello.

Why am I feeling like COMPLETE shit? I don’t get why I care so much about friendships. All they do is just come and go, only coming to you if they need something. Why do I do things for people? It’s because I’m nice. I don’t want to signal the wrong message if I don’t do anything for them. If you actually take me for granted, why the fuck should I still be here for you? GOSH, I’m a jealous fuck. I NEED people to talk to me. I’m so fucking tired of being the only one left hanging. I hate hearing people make plans without inviting me. What’s the point of being there if no one actually wants you there? I’m so sick and fucking tired of things like this. It’s so constant that I want to end it all. Why can’t things go smoothly without any complications? Heh, I’m a troubled kid. The amount of problems and my anti-social life really screws up in my mind, the things I do and the people around me. I don’t know what to do in this world. Needing constant help. Maybe a counselor? Maybe a true friend.

xoxo,

Lauren

August 19th, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Sun, 19 Aug 2012 04:57:47 -0400

Hey there.

Well, I had a rough night. Talking on the phone in tears with Noah really made my mood go MERP. I can’t believe how much we’ve changed in only a week. I haven’t seen him since June and our relationship is starting to feel like a long distance thing. Plus, Noah’s going to move and may have to transfer schools. I’m scared.

There’s other things on my mind that won’t seem to erase. I want to know how he feels. I mean, I wonder what went through his mind while I talked to him through the whole night last night. Maybe I’m setting this off a bit too far. I shouldn’t do anything to make him gain feelings for me, again. He’s that special someone who I don’t ever want to hurt. Ever. But, he gave me advice for Noah and I and it was kind of awkward for me. Possibly because we’ve dated and my tad feelings for him (which I’m trying to get rid of.) Maybe, I still like him. I don’t know. I’m fooling myself big time. I feel so fucking bad that it makes me feel I’m leading Noah on. I realized that this whole time, I had feelings for this special someone. Why the fuck did I say that I didn’t love him when I really did? Fuck Lauren, you are so damn stupid. Look at what you’ve lost and will never get back. Think about the amount of people you have hurt.

xoxo,

Lauren

P.S: Follow your heart.

August 18, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 02:59:00 -0400

Hiya~

Here I go again, reminiscing all of the memories held back from a long time ago. I wonder how long this will take me to realize that I need to let go. Trying so hard to get rid of it all, but today just made it even worse. Why on earth did I message you ‘hello’? I don’t get it. Why do you have such a great affect on me? What did I do to deserve all of this? I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I need to start looking at the present and the future. I shouldn’t drown myself in my past knowing that things won’t be the same anymore.

xoxo,

Lauren

August 8th, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Wed, 08 Aug 2012 04:16:35 -0400

Why am I the biggest fuck up in the world? I don’t get why I can’t maintain a steady friendship with one of my closest friends. All of the shit I did made me go ghost on my own bestfriend. Now look. He’s fucking gone. He isn’t my bestfriend anymore. I don’t deserve him. Why? I’m the worst friend you can ever have possible. I don’t realize that I don’t talk to you as much, or maybe even I treat you like an acquaintance rather from a ‘close’ or ‘best’ friend. I’m such a mess. I fucking lost him. He isn’t my best friend. I need to get that shit through my head. I don’t know if I would want to take the billionth chance he gave me to try to fix the remains of our friendship. But, I don’t want to fuck up again. I’m scared that he won’t be there anymore. I re-read his birthday message that he sent me and it made me fucking cry so hard. I’m sniffling while writing this… But, I just realized I’ve lost an important person in my life and it would take me a lot of time to gain everything back. I really need to stop being an anti-social person AND get my fucking phone fixed. The one important thing I need to do is… get my best friend back.

July 15th, 2012.

keepcalmandlovelauren — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 02:25:00 -0400

Hooray! My 7th month with Noah was on Friday. :) I feel happy because we’ve made it this far. I can’t wait until we reach one year. :$

Well, later today I’m going to get an x-ray done for my teeth to see what I need done for my braces. Ugh, I hope having my braces will nottake that long before graduation.

Anyways, I’m contemplating about making an online story about two people who don’t know each other, then they end up becoming a couple. They would face many obstacles in order to show how much they love one another and to keep their relationship alive. What do you think? Haha, I don’t know if I’ll have the actual energy and dedication to it, but it’s one of the things I’ve always wanted to do. Plus, I have no plans this summer. :D

I’m kind of getting tired, but I’ll play some COD to make myself VERY tired so I’ll sleep like a baby tonight. :)

xoxo,

Lauren

LOL hi babe!

keepcalmandlovelauren — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 03:01:00 -0400

LOL hi babe!

July 5th, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 10:37:52 -0400

My feelings are at the point where I can’t cope with them anymore. I don’t like feeling this way, especially when there’s a bunch of thoughts in my mind. For example, there’s this one person that just won’t get away. I’m trying so fucking hard to let go, but there’s something about that person that won’t get out of my mind. Also, my own best friend.. I feel like I’ve lost him. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, but it hurts me so much because I truly cared about him and I took him as my brother. I don’t want to lose him either. I trusted him with everything possible. Even though we barely talk, I knew he was still there. I just didn’t know if he knew that I was there for him. Fuckery. This is hurting me so much, even on my own birthday. I can’t take it anymore.

July 5th, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 00:36:11 -0400

Today’s my birthday, wooooo!

June 26th, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Tue, 26 Jun 2012 17:59:18 -0400

Why am I starting to care again? This is making no sense to me. Why is it so hard to let go? There’s something about you I just can’t erase from my mind. Please, do me a favor and leave me alone. It’s for the best of us.

xoxo,

Lauren

You're still special to me, no matter how much we've drifted.

keepcalmandlovelauren — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 23:08:03 -0400

June 23rd, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Sat, 23 Jun 2012 23:55:35 -0400

Summer is finally here. No more school, stress and teachers on your back. Plus, my birthday is in a few days.

There’s one thing that I’m afraid of… losing Noah. Sure, we have a great connection between each other. But, it’s slowly dying. We barely talk nowadays, and when we do talk… it’s just simple hello’s and bye’s. I’m nowhere near letting go of him. My feelings for him are so great that it’s going to hurt me the most out of all my relationships. He reminds me everyday that he loves me and he’s not going to leave me.

For some reason, I have a very small presence that he’s busy talking to someone else. I should not even think that way, but I’m very insecure. There’s always late replies between us both. I don’t want anything to change between me and Noah. I’m not losing him to someone else.

I hope he realizes how I feel without telling him.I’m getting tired of telling him what my feelings are towards him because I want him to know what’s going through my mind. I’m highly afraid that he’ll just let go because of my high expectations. But, he should have realized this first before we started to go out.

I’m just thankful to have him today. Luckily, Noah’s all mine and no one else. I just want to make sure that no waste girl is trying to take him away from me. ALL MINE.

Well, on the plus side.. it’s a coincidence that me and Babe are going to New York this week. :’) Haha, I’d be totally amazed if I see him.

xoxo,

Lauren

P.S: I’ll try to write some more later.

June 11th, 2012.

keepcalmandlovelauren — Mon, 11 Jun 2012 22:23:00 -0400

Hello. c;

I’m proud to say that I’m going to be a half-sister! :’) Haha, it was hard for me to accept at first, but I’m really happy that I won’t feel alone anymore. :3

My 6th month with Noah is coming up on Wednesday! I’m so excited, but he’s leaving early to go get his vaccination.. bummer.

This is just a quick entry because I’m going to catch up on my sleep since I have two late starts due to EQAO testing. :) Exams are next week.. Am I ready? LETS GO.

Oh, nts: Make up mind if taking summer ~~school~~.

xoxo,

Lauren

P.S: Birthday is coming up soon!

P.P.S: I can’t wait to go to the States to see my cousins at the end of this month. :3

You're mine and only mine

keepcalmandlovelauren — Wed, 30 May 2012 23:06:14 -0400

xvahh-nessa:

Don’t expect me to ever share.

May 28th, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Mon, 28 May 2012 23:30:09 -0400

Noah makes me happy. I can’t find anyone like him. I love him dearly and no one can take him away from me. He’s all mine. Lol, I just felt the need to make a post like this. Haha.

xoxo,
Lauren

May 27th, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Sun, 27 May 2012 02:56:24 -0400

I don’t know where to start. My heart’s starting to ~~hurt~~ because of all of the sad emotions I’m making it deal with. I never thought this would hurt me badly. I’m trying my best not to cry over some stupid little thing. I don’t want to drift away from you, I hope you don’t let go of me either. I’d be devastated and I wouldn’t know how to cope with it. I make it sound like I’m highly in love with you, but I just have strong feelings for you that I know will take some time to get rid of if ever the time comes where things don’t go the right way.

I just want you to know that I love you. I’m trying my best not to complain about every little thing, pointing out your flaws, making you give everything I want and make things go my way. I’m sorry that I’m not the perfect girlfriend as you may think I am, but I just want you to know that I’m afraid to lose you and I don’t want someone to replace me. I know I can be insecure and a jealous fuck. It’s kind of like saying how much I care about you.

I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of feeling all insecure. I’m tired of being stupid. I’m tired of being weird as fuck. I’m tired of being the outcast. I’m tired of being the girl that you would not want to date. I’m tired of being so clueless. I’m tired of being that ‘typical’ girl. I’m tired of being jealous. I’m tired of rumors. I’m tired of back-stabbing. I’m tired of those nights where I’m about to cry myself to sleep. I’m tired of those times where I zone out and you get all worried. I’m tired of people looking at me strange. I’m tired of all the hate I get. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of high school life. I just want some things to end.

All I want to feel is being loved. I don’t care who it is, I just want to know that someone out there cares about me for who I am. Thank you for everyone who actually care. Sometimes, there’s people who are two-faced and ‘pretend’ to be your friend just so they can gain something. I don’t give two shits anymore. I’m just so fucking tired.

Thank you for my loving boyfriend that loves me for who I am and loves me dearly. Sure, we may go through little bumps in the road, but he’s the one that always gets me smiling no matter what. I love him incredibly, and I don’t think anyone can replace him. He understands me -most of the time- whenever I talk about my feelings and my problems. He knows what mood I’m in. He knows how to comfort me when I’m having a rough day. I’m thankful for having him in my life.

Thank you for my four good friends. With some of them, we don’t talk as often as we used to, but I know that we are there for each other even if we drifted apart. I can never find anyone like them anymore. Everyone is so two-faced that I just want to slash their faces. I just can’t imagine what my life would be like without them.

There’s times where I just want to scream just because of all the emotions I’m taking inside. A part of me wants to start life all over again, but keep the good memories and people in my life.

Promise me you’ll never leave.

xoxo,

Lauren

May 22nd, 2012

keepcalmandlovelauren — Tue, 22 May 2012 22:28:00 -0400

” I love you, but I hate you at the same time. “

Has it ever occurred before? You had the audacity to tell me that you hate me when you love me? I never want to hear those words ever again. It made me think that I was not the ideal person you would want to be with. Hate makes me think that you don’t love me anymore, or you just want to leave. I lead to many conclusions, but that’s just me. I can’t help myself because of the high factor of how much I care about you.

Thank God that I have you and you are already mine. I don’t ever want to change that or lose you to someone else. I hope we last a very long time like we always say we would.